Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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