Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
