theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
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