Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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