just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
