Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Did I show you my penis last night?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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