I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
