she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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