I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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