I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
