I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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