Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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