In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pooping to opera.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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