im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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