It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
