no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
