i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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