I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
cat food counts as protein by the way
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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