I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
