theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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