My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
