ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
