with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
