Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
