i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
