i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
