i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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