Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
