Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
