my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
