She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
