I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
