You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
