Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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