You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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