I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
