i permit you to call me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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