I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
two words: eviction party
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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