Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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