why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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