i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
