Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
