i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
