i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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