Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
