im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
