So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
