So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
