I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
