my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
