I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
