LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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