he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
They have beer where we have blood.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
