his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
sarcasm needs its own font
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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