She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
