Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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