I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
