my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
