There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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