I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
