made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He felt like a one man threesome
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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