plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
