Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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