Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
