This girl is more easily done than said...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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