Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
