def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
