Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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