Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
