you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
