Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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